To continue of just stop?

What if I just stop dancing tango? I’m thinking of it. Stopping the struggle. The suffering. Just letting it go. Problem is I want to go eat a pint of Hagen Das coffee ice cream to celebrate. Not good.

What if I keep going tango dancing? Well, I ride the roller coaster. Some nights I dance well and have some really good tangos and feel elated and think things are getting better, only to find the next week I don’t dance so well, the tangos I dance all suck and I’m turned down for dances like I’m no good and then I go home bummed. Then later I think about Cacho’s dancing or Alicia’s and decide I want to modify my dancing somewhat and try something new and I go back and something kinda works so that I want to pursue that and then the cycle starts over again. I really want to find something else to takes its place. Tango seems to me like a futile activity. Like a hamster spinning the wheel in its cage. Well, it is exercise and I need that, and it’s coordination and that is good. I’m tired of the social intricacy and buffeting. I wish I could avoid that all together.

I need a new interest. I maybe will just stay home and read Borges. But my destiny is not my choice. Choice is something else. I don’t know what conditions will arise or what my response will be. Right now I am frustrated and disappointed and resisting Hagan Das coffee ice cream. All I know is that this too will pass.